Choosing Myself (and My Oils) Over Everyone Else.

Lately I feel this itch to do something radically selfish! Just once, I want to choose me over everyone else.

👋 Hello, to the woman who’s tempted to cancel everyone and choose herself for once.

🧯 This Just In: A Woman Considered Her Own Needs and the World Didn’t Collapse.

Lately, there’s this itch under your skin. The craving to do something radically selfish. Not violent, not vengeful, just something that prioritizes you, for once.

You don’t want to burn your life down. You just want to take a nap without guilt, or eat something delicious without narrating your health goals to the air. Do one damn thing you’ve always wanted! Not for productivity, not for anyone else, just because it’s yours. A hobby, a dream, a tiny rebellion. Something that says: this part of my life belongs to me.

You want to leave the room when people start asking for things you no longer have the energy to give.
You want to stop explaining why you’re tired, irritable, or need to be alone.

And most of all?
You want to stop asking for permission to feel this way.

But here’s the catch:
Every time that craving shows up, it crashes into decades of conditioning.

Voices in your head say:
"Don’t be dramatic."
"Other women have it worse."
"You should be grateful."
"If you really cared, you’d push through."

Darling, please.
You’ve pushed through enough.

Which is exactly why today’s dispatch is brought to you by The Midlife Myth-Buster → slayer of influencer lies, debunker of bad advice, and here to say what your stress-ball aromatherapy guru won’t:

Selfish isn’t a crime. It’s a survival skill.

Let’s get to work.

☕ 4 Myths After Coffee

Because apparently, wanting time for yourself is now a moral crisis.

🥄 Myth #1: “Doing things for yourself is selfish.”
Ah yes… because the moment a woman isn’t actively caretaking, she must be plotting world domination. Newsflash: taking care of you is how the whole damn operation stays functional.

🥄 Myth #2: “If you really loved your family, you wouldn’t need a break.”
This one is brought to you by people who think martyrdom is a personality. Love does not mean self-erasure. You can adore your people and want them out of your face for an afternoon.

🥄 Myth #3: “Once the kids are older / work slows down / life calms down, you’ll have time for you.”
Oh good, can’t wait to start living never. If you keep deferring your needs to the mythical “later,” you’ll wake up realizing later already left with your last nerve and your best earrings.

🥄 Myth #4: “Real women just power through.”
Power through what, exactly? Burnout? Bone-deep exhaustion? The passive-aggressive group chat? No thanks. Real women pause, reassess, and sometimes take an aromatherapy bath instead of answering emails.

⚡️The Offender of the Week

It starts off innocent:
“Have you tried just making more time for yourself?”
Oh, sure. Let me pencil that in between running a household, managing hormone roulette, keeping humans alive, pretending I sleep, and fielding unsolicited wellness advice from people whose only credential is being loud.

And then… the kicker:
“You just need a better routine.”
Ah yes. Because burnout, emotional depletion, and midlife existential rebellion are clearly things I can fix with a planner and some turmeric shots.

This week’s Offender isn’t just misinformed, he’s dangerously optimistic about how much of a woman’s life can be fixed with better time management and fewer feelings.
He calls it “self-care.”
What he means is “don’t rock the boat.”
And what you actually need?
To rock the damn boat, jump overboard, and do something selfish for once, just because it’s yours to do.

Bless his heart. May his socks always be slightly damp.

🖼️ Meme #1: Calendar Exorcism

📋 Clarity, Please. (One Actual Fact)

Because one well-placed truth is better than a thousand guilt-trips.

Here’s today’s actual fact:
Doing something just for you, whether it’s rest, art, silence, or a wildly unnecessary hobby, lowers cortisol, supports nervous system recovery, and helps rebalance hormonal chaos.

So yes, “selfish” is technically medicinal.

No, it’s not irresponsible.
No, it’s not immature.
And no, it’s not why your houseplants are dying.

In fact, the only real danger of choosing yourself?
You might enjoy it. And do it again.

Turns out, your nervous system thrives when you stop being everyone’s unpaid intern.

🙃 Agenda Item: The Big Selfish Thing

I sat myself down like a board meeting of one and asked: if I’m going to be selfish, let’s make it count. Not a bath. Not a nap. A capital-B Big Thing with a calendar entry and a receipt.

I made a short, shameless menu:
A) turn the spare room into My Studio (no shared storage, no “just for now” boxes),
B) book a 24-hour solo hotel stay in my own city: blackout curtains, late checkout, robe I don’t have to share,
C) claim one sacred morning every week for the next 12 weeks: phone off, door shut, brain on my project only.

Winner: the 24-hour solo retreat. I opened a hotel tab, filtered for “quiet,” “late checkout,” and “nonjudgmental ice machine,” picked a place with decent pillows, and booked it. I titled the calendar block “Nobody Needs Me.” I made a packing list that delights only me: one book with no life lessons, headphones, snacks that crunch aggressively, face mask, and pajamas that qualify as emotional support.

Then I set the dominoes: moved two things on my calendar, set an auto-reply that says “Back tomorrow; not an emergency,” and put a Post-it on the fridge that reads, “Yes, there’s food. You’re clever.” I even practiced unlocking joy by doing the most radical step of all: I left one to-do undone on purpose! As proof the world keeps turning.

By evening, I felt suspiciously… good. Like a person with a plan that serves her actual life. I clicked on the diffuser (hello, petitgrain with a whisper of copaiba), let the oils hum in the background, and fell asleep accomplished, like someone who picked the big selfish thing and actually started it.

📖 Today’s Read: Essential Oils in Your Menopause Arsenal

They won’t fix everything, but when used smartly, essential oils can be powerful allies for mood regulation, pain relief, fatigue, and even hormone support.

Aromatherapy and topical application both have real effects on the nervous system. The science? Still catching up. But the experience of thousands of women? Worth paying attention to.

In today’s article, we walk through which oils do what, how to use them safely, and what not to waste your money on.

Copaiba - Sold on Amazon

Petitgrain - Sold on Amazon

🧰 Today’s Non-Stupid Solution: Petitgrain (aka “the other orange”)

Lavender is booked, Peppermint is loud. Meet Petitgrain → steam-distilled from bitter orange leaves/twigs. It smells like a calm, green citrus breeze and does three useful things without drama: quiets racing thoughts, smooths irritability, and helps you downshift for sleep. It’s also not phototoxic, plays nicely with others, and won’t bankrupt you like Neroli.

What it’s not:

• Not a menopause cure.

• Not “just for colognes.”

• Not something you need 20 drops of to “work.” (Please no.)

Quick, realistic ways to use it

• 60-Minute Sanity Diffuser

  • 3 drops Petitgrain + 2 drops Mandarin + 1 drop Copaiba (optional).

  • Result: softer edges, fewer murdery thoughts at 5 p.m.

• 1% Pulse-Point Roll-On (bedtime or meeting jitters)

  • 6 drops Petitgrain in 30 mL jojoba or sweet almond.

  • Swipe on wrists/neck; breathe for 60 seconds.

• Shower Steam Hack

  • 3–4 drops on a washcloth at your feet; hot water on = DIY aromatherapy chamber.

• “Cool Your Jets” Mist

  • In a 100 mL bottle: 1 tsp glycerin + 12 drops Petitgrain + top with distilled water.

  • Shake, spritz chest/neck (avoid eyes). Great for hot-flash grumpiness.

• Tissue Trick (car/desk)

  • 1–2 drops on a tissue; slow breaths when the to-do list starts screaming.

Bonus swap (if aches are the headline)

Try Copaiba (resin, not a citrus): add 1 drop to any blend for gentle joint/muscle comfort. No, it’s not CBD; yes, it’s a steady helper.

🖼️ Meme #2: Aromatherapy, Unsupervised

✨ What We’re Not Doing Today

A short list of things we are officially unavailable for, effective immediately:

• Justifying the urge to put ourselves first like it’s a crime.

• Taking life advice from people who’ve never had night sweats and rage in the same hour.

• Apologizing for needing alone time when our brains feel like a browser with 94 tabs open.

• Feeling guilty for wanting joy that doesn’t involve productivity, caregiving, or kale.

• Dismissing real burnout as “just a funk.”

• Shrinking our dreams to fit someone else’s comfort zone.

Today, selfish isn’t shameful, it’s survival!

🥛 Wisdom That’s Aged Like Milk

1. “Put everyone else first.” (Ah yes, the burnout diet.)

2. “Self-care is selfish.” (Thank you, 1954. I’ll risk it.)

3. “Just say yes! You’ll feel better.” (To what, resentment?)

4. “Good women don’t make waves.” (Cool. I am the tide.)

5. “Don’t be dramatic.” (I’m being diagnostic.)

6. “Push through it.” (Straight to a 3 p.m. crash? Pass.)

7. “Keep the peace.” (At the cost of my own? Hard no.)

8. “Treat yourself to a latte instead.” (I’m treating myself to boundaries.)

9. “You can rest after this week.” (Famous last words.)

10. “Don’t rock the boat.” (I’m not the life raft.)

11. “Be grateful.” (I am… and I’m also allowed to choose me.)

12. “Ask for permission.” (I’m an adult; I’ll inform you.)

13. “Lower your expectations.” (Or raise my standards for me.)

14. “Don’t say no; offer a maybe.” (I prefer complete sentences: No.)

15. “It’s not that deep.” (My cortisol disagrees.)

⚡️ Permission to Be “Selfish” (Approved)

You’ve done the contortions. You’ve carried the calendar, the groceries, and the guilt.
Not today. Today’s experiment: choose you, without an apology tour.

You don’t need another hack. You need one clear boundary and five quiet minutes that belong to no one else.
If this landed like a ribcage “hell yes,” keep it. If it didn’t? Toss it. Recycle the pressure with it.

You are not a public utility. You are a person.
You don’t owe anyone a performance, a smile, or a “sure, I can take that on.”

Today’s dispatch was brought to you by The Midlife Myth-Buster, good-girl deprogrammer, boundary enthusiast, and part-time martyrdom slayer.
Tomorrow? Another voice, another vibe, same allegiance to your actual life.